10 Things You Will Forget to Bring on Move-In Day

My fellow Washburn students – particularly those of you who live or will live on campus! Move-In Day is Aug. 14!

I know. It’s coming up fast now. The summer is almost over. You may take a moment to cry if necessary… Now pull yourself together! You need to get packing!

In anticipation of the new school year’s arrival, I present to you 10 things that you will forget to pack for Move-In Day.

            1.       Cleaning Supplies

I can’t believe how many male dormies I spoke to who didn’t think they needed to clean their bathrooms… Please, for the sake of your health and others’, bring cleaning supplies and chip in on the work.

            2.       Toilet Paper and Paper Towels

These are essential! Of course, you know that… But it may not be at the front of your mind when you’re prepping for Move-In. Go ahead and have some toilet paper at the ready so you can easily provide it when it’s your turn to buy. It’s also good to have paper towels on hand for cleaning, when you don’t feel like using a plate and the occasional we’re-out-of-toilet-paper-and-this-is-an-emergency bathroom occurrence.

            3.       Medicine and Band-Aids

You don’t think about how often you need some simple Aleve or a Band-Aid until you don’t have them. I had forgotten these, myself, last year! Luckily, my roommate had packed a plastic tub full of simple medicines, Band-Aids, and cold preventatives. I highly recommend making one of these and including a little first aid kit.

            4.       Dishes and Silverware

You may think you can survive strictly on cafeteria food, but you’re quite wrong. When you get desperate for a change, you will need to make the occasional mac and cheese or microwave pizza. And for that, my friend, you will need some of your own utensils. Also, all dorms are equipped with either a private cooking area or a community kitchen. If you want to get really fancy, or just make some occasional brownies, consider bringing some cooking utensils, a pot or cookie sheets. (Just don't set off any fire alarms... Or you will quickly develop a plethora of enemies.)

            5.       Tool-Kit

We were lucky that my roommate thought to bring a small tool-kit. We used it often for hanging decorations, making minor repairs, measuring for space whenever we felt like rearranging, etc. Tip: You will likely need a mallet to adjust your bed height. Check with your dorm’s front desk to see if they have one you may borrow!

            6.       Laundry Supplies

You’ll likely need to do laundry even the first week you live on campus. Don’t let the pile grow too high. It’s easiest if you can do your laundry once a week, all at once. It takes less time and your dirty clothes won’t begin to stink up your room.

            7.       Iron and Ironing Board

Male or female, there will come a time when you need to use an iron. Why, you can’t go to Homecoming in wrinkles! Also, you’ll have interviews, fraternity or sorority events, performances, etc. that you will need to look quite put together for.

            8.       Hangers

You will find that you do as much clothing shopping on your own in college as you do when you live at home. Your closet will grow! Don’t forget to have plenty of hangers for those clothes you already have as well as those you anticipate to purchase.

            9.       Shower Supplies 

You plan to take showers regularly in college, right? I hope so… Then you’ll need some shower supplies to keep you smelling fresh and pretty! This includes your usual soaps, shampoos and conditioners as well as your specific products, razors and towels. And don’t forget your bathroom supplies: Hand soap, deodorant, lotions and body sprays, toothpaste and toothbrush, face wash and that pesky retainer that you loathe to the end of the earth.

           10.   An Open Mind

I am the master of cheese… But as cheesy and cliché as this may sound, it is possibly the one thing most people forget to bring with them to college. University is not what you see in the movies. It is a wide, open space of undiscovered territory. You will be exposed to a lot of new people with completely different backgrounds and stories than your own. You will be building relationships with professors who educate much differently than teachers you had in high school. You may be exploring new places in T-Town and the surrounding area. It is essential for you to have an open mind. Let this year of college be an experience and you will come out in May with far more knowledge and wisdom than you ever expected.

Fear Crippling Fear

I was struggling to write this week, and I think it’s because fear is all that’s been on my mind. But I’m here to talk about what’s up…and fear is what’s up. I've got my morning cup of earl grey, and I’m feeling authentic. So let’s have a heart to heart.

Fear. First it pretends to be your friend. Fear creates a comfort zone for you and wraps you up all nice and warm inside of it. Fear tells you that this zone will keep you safe if you respect it. Outside of this zone is dangerous and harmful.

Fear lies to you. It tells you that if you were to ever put yourself out there, even attempt to be outgoing or outspoken, you’d be crushed in an instant. You would only come crawling back to fear and it would tell you “I told you so.” You pull the familiarity of your comfort zone over your head like a blanket and hope you never have to go out again.

Fear makes you comfortable. And why would you ever want to disrupt your comfort? It’s safe there, why would you ever want to leave?

We see other people having infinite amounts of fun outside their comfort zones. But it’s not for us, fear says, we aren't capable of that. We shouldn't bother trying.

These are the lies fear tells.

But the truth is… fear sucks. Plain as that.

Fear sucks away our ambition. It holds us back. When we have the idea to try something new, fear tells us that we will fail. We believe it because we've heard the lies too many times. The lies that we are “not worthy,” “a failure,” “not good enough,” “not likable,” “not smart enough,” “unlovable,” “too silly or immature...” The list goes on.

Some say we are the ones who give fear its power, but I think fear is powerful on its own. It thieves for itself all of our innate craving for adventure.

Fear works especially hard to convince you that you aren't powerful, when, actually, you are tremendously more powerful than fear.

It may not always feel like it. Sometimes fear is consuming and it’s hard to see anything good past it.

But you are powerful. That’s the truth that you must see and believe in order to leave Fear’s Foreverland of Lies. (Not an amusement park, but more like time-consuming wasteland.)

And you do want to leave. Because outside of that wasteland is authentic living. It’s scary as hell, walking out of the comfortable familiar and into the unknown, but it is so much more fun getting back to those adventurous tendencies we were born with.

Think back to when you were a child, your earliest memories. Did you give a crud about taxes, work, etc.? Of course not. You wanted to play. You had dreams of helping people and making the world a better place. You wanted to enjoy every part of living. While those things (life-sucking as they may be) are important and need your attention, don’t let fear tell you that they are the extent of your potential and your value.

Also, you have to realize that you can’t leave that comfort zone on your own. It will take time, hard work and a community. You need supportive people to help you realize your potential and to remind you that you are important and valuable any time you start to lose faith in yourself.

Fear doesn't go away. It comes back. It pops in to say, “Hello, remember me?” any time you feel like taking an adventurous risk. But you will conquer fear, in small ways first and then bigger. And you won’t regret leaving that place of comfort, because you’ll be really living – authentically. 

How to Apologize like an Adult

Today I’m going to talk about apologies. Last week an issue arose between a friend and I that ended with us apologizing to each other for our misunderstandings. A couple of days later, I stumbled upon these two resources and wished I’d seen them sooner!

The main problem with the apologetic exchange between my friend and I was that initially we each thought the other was at fault. I think the first step in apologizing like an adult is to accept responsibility for one’s own addition to the mistake.

In my situation, it meant that I needed to recognize that I had made generalizations without providing my friend with the context and clarification needed to understand my statement. Because I didn't provide that clarification upfront, my statement was taken offensively.

I came across a post titled “A Better Way to Say Sorry” on the blog cuppacocoa written by user joellen. She relays an apology technique she learned in a teacher-training program and then implemented in her classroom.

This is her four step apology:

•             I’m sorry for…
•       This is wrong because…
•       In the future, I will…
•       Will you forgive me?

She notes that it is important in your apologies to be specific about what you are apologizing for and to understand why you did what you did and how it affected the other person.

With this outline in mind, my apology should have looked more like this…

I’m sorry for making generalizations about our friendship and not communicating clearly. It was wrong because it made you sad and caused you to question our friendship. In the future, I will do my best to communicate clearly about my intentions as well as be open and authentic with you in our chats.

In addition to this, I’d like to share with you the other resource that was shown to me. Have you ever heard of John Green? The author of “The Fault in Our Stars”? Ringing a bell? Well allow me to introduce you to John's brother, Hank Green. The two make YouTube videos for their channel, vlogbrothers.

In this video, Hank discusses how to apologize without being a “fartbag” or “someone who hurts other people, then blames them for the problem.” He reiterates the importance of acknowledging the role you played in the misunderstanding as well as taking responsibility for your mistake.

Watching this video is when it hit me, “Yeah... I've been a fartbag more than once or twice.” Sometimes I assume that just because my mistake was unintentionally made, I don’t need to take responsibility for it. Then, when I’m called out for my mistake, I get defensive and abrasive...fartbag-ish.

Now the flip-side of this is learning how to accept an apology like an adult.

Remember that your emotions are valid and deserve to be respected. So when you are accepting an 

apology, don’t say “It’s okay” or “It doesn't matter”. Because it’s not okay, it does matter.

Also, accepting an apology doesn't make the issue disappear. You may need to set new boundaries with this person. Don’t shrug it off, but come to a place of understanding with the other person.

So this new way of apologizing is being added to my list of life applications for personal growth. I want to be aware of what I’m saying/doing, why and how it will affect others around me.

Roommate Assignments? Check!

It’s this week’s biggest news on campus. The most anticipated info of the summer. But the wait is over, dorm assignments are here!

If you haven’t already done so, you can check your room assignment by going to your Washburn student email through Microsoft Outlook. You have likely received an email that will list your roommate and suitemates for the coming semester, as well as your specific dorm room assignment.

My roommate from freshman year, one of our friends, and I planned to live in the Washburn Village this year. We were lucky enough to be placed in the exact building we wanted! And in our emails, we received another surprise – we will be having an exchange student living with us! Although we have yet to hear back from our new friend, we are excited to get to know her better over the course of the year. We are very excited to see what new adventures await us this year at Washburn!

Some of you may already be acquainted with your roommates. You know them from previous semesters and understand how they function in their daily lives. You have already found commonalities and made the accommodations necessary to survive living with each other – or at least make it through the year without killing each other (or taking over each other’s lives, e.g. the “The Roommate.”)

But for some of you, this may be the part of college preparation you've been dreading all summer long. This is the awkward part – the getting to know new people part.

For a moment, let me stress just how important it is to actually get in touch with your roommates. You cannot avoid each other forever. In fact, you will be living together in less than two months. 

There are two major discussions you need to have with your future roommates before the summer is over: Decide who is contributing what to the dorm amenities and have the icebreaker chat.

Last year, my roommates and I met up face-to-face to do our dorm shopping.  We purchased items like towels, curtains, rugs and storage together. We also made a mental list of who would bring bigger items that could be used by all four members of our little herd. For example, my roommate brought a television and I brought a microwave. You’ll also need to remember to bring those things not typically thought of, including medicine, Band-Aids, cleaning supplies and toilet paper.

And please, for goodness sake, get to know each other! Make an effort to learn about each other ahead of time and I promise you will have a much better roommate experience. It will be awkward at first, but you can start small. Talk about your families and pets. Check each other’s schedules and see if you have any classes together. Then work your way up! Explain why you chose your major and what activities you want to get involved in on campus. Discuss your fears and aspirations for the coming year. It’s also very important to get a feel for each other’s sleep schedules, habits, tidiness ideals, noise tolerations, etc.

Now allow me to finish with a frank word of assurance. You will have roommates you bond with and love. You will also have roommates that you absolutely detest. Yet somehow, by the end of the year, you will have learned to at least live civilly with these people and maybe…with enough patience and effort…even become friends. That’s the entire purpose of the roommate experience, anyway. It expands your vision of life through learning to live with people you never would have expected to come to appreciate. (And it never would have happened if you hadn't let your mom fill out the personality preference form.)

Friendships Adrift

Lately I have been feeling a bit…displaced. The weirdest part about living on campus during the year and at home during breaks is the inevitable disconnectedness. And this disconnectedness swells largest in my friendships.

While living on Washburn’s campus, I noticed myself drifting away from my groups of friends at home. And now that I am at home, I worry about drifting away from my friends in Topeka.

This year I was especially lucky to have made some friends who are very good at reaching out to me and keeping in touch. But for some reason, there are some friends that I struggle to keep up with. I’ve spoken to my own roommate a grand total of two times since we both moved out of the dorms. 

I take my share of responsibility for this. Let’s face it. I am an introvert. I am an “out of sight, out of mind” kind of person.

Now I have this whole new set of friends from college to keep up with. They are very important to me and I don’t want to lose them just because we have busy summers. This is teaching me the importance of reaching out. Friendships take effort. They take initiative and input. They take responsibility.

This is new to me. So I am starting small. I’m trying to remember to say at least a quick “hello” to one person from college each day. Just to keep up. This will become easier as I spend more time with these new friends in the coming semesters.

As for my friends at home…things still feel off.  My friends agree.

Whether you notice it or not, you do change, grow and evolve at college. The drifting away from former friendships is to be expected.

I do feel that in realizing this, my friends and I have learned to acclimate to the new dynamic of our friendship. So we still get together. We try to face that drift head on. We try not to fake enjoyment of each other’s company, but instead do new things, find new things in common and create new traditions. We adapt.

We are supposed to be grown-ups now. And that’s often what we talk about. We are slowly starting to realize that there are more important things than Buffy the Vampire Slayer and what so-and-so said on Facebook.

In summary, if you feel the dynamic of your friendships changing, it’s OK. In fact it’s normal. You may learn to acclimate, you may not. These years of college are sort of like middle school all over again. (YIKES.)

Some friendships will grow stronger. Some will dissipate. You are just learning where you fit in. And you are not alone.