Birth at a Funeral

Last week, I had to return home for my grandfather’s funeral. The day was filled with family and cousins and people I had never met before. An introvert’s nightmare. But, I was eager to see some people that I dearly missed and to make final peace with someone who I never felt was that interested in being an involved person in my life.

Many people introduced themselves and told me how much they admired my grandfather and missed him. More often than not, they said he spoke of my brother and I often and that he was always very proud of us. I just wish he would have told me. He was never that great at offering words of affirmation. But then, neither am I.

The funeral service was just as we all expected - complete with Elvis Presley renditions of gospel classics. When the casket was closed, everyone seemed grateful  for the time to let things go, content to leave the baggage in the past and remember the good.

I suppose that's a lesson in itself. Learning to let things go.

It was a long day for us all. The service was held in Missouri, but the burial was in south-east Kansas. That is a lot of driving. Especially for my aunt, who happened to be thirty-eight weeks pregnant.

That night, just a few hours after they returned from the funeral to where they were staying, my aunt went into labor. By the next morning, a new cousin had been added to the Wade family.

Now, my family and friends know that babies terrify me. They are small, more flexible than cats, need consistent and regular attention, and they absolutely suck at communicating. The squeal of a young child strikes fear into my heart.

Photo credit: Tracey Wade

That being said... This one was pretty cute.

In just twenty-four hours, the Wade family experienced an event of finality and an event of newness.

The coolest part about life is that it's always giving us opportunities to start over and to do better. Finishing chapters and starting new ones. Each morning brings us the option of leaving yesterday in the past and creating something new today. And I find that to be incredibly comforting.

My Study System

This week I wrote an article for the Review about the importance of preparing for finals early. Now I’m going to offer you some tips from my own study process and encourage you to develop your own! There are four main parts to my study process and it relies heavily on my in class note-taking.

Take good Notes in Class:

I depend on my notes to carry me through my process. If I’m not taking good notes, my system just won’t be complete. But we are a bit over halfway through the semester and you might be feeling a bit of burnout. I know I am. Don’t allow the temptation to let your mind wander get the better of you. Instead, focus your energy on your note-taking. It may not help the day get any more interesting or go any faster…but it will help you pick up and absorb the information presented.

Make a Copy of Your Notes:

This is the most essential part of my own routine. I take ‘chicken-scratch’ notes in class. They look super messy – no one would ever want to read them. In class, I worry less about the look of my notes as I take them. Instead, I focus on the information and make sure I have all the details I need. Then, each night, I copy those notes down on a separate sheet of paper. I structure them and color code them in a way that works for me. I’m a visual learner and I find that color helps quite a bit. Colored pens are my best friends!

Develop a Schedule for Reading Your Notes:

Now it’s up to repetition to get the information ingrained in your memory. Don’t let your notes sit idly by! Establish a routine and stick to it. Schedule a time to go over your notes for each class. It could be once a day, every other day, weekly, etc. It’s up to you how often you need to review your notes. Prioritize the classes in which you need to brush up on your knowledge and skills.

Practice Your Tests:

The best way to prepare for a test is to practice the test. If your professor is kind enough to hand out a study guide, don’t let it go to waste! Use it to practice! Write out your answers. Have a friend or roommate quiz you. Time yourself. Also…look for gaps in what you know. It’s not in your notes? Ask your professor!

By developing a study system that works for you and sticking to it, you will be better equipped to handle finals week in December and you will save yourself a load of stress!

Looking for more resources for study tips and help? Try these links:

• WU's Tutoring & Writing Center - Helpful Academic Websites
• CrashCourse on YouTube
• "How to study effectively" by SimonOxfPhys on YouTube
• HowToStudy.org

Happy studying!

Find Your Political Voice

I know. I’m sick of them too.

Political ads. Yep, it’s that time again.

I always feel so manipulated by these ads. They’re so obviously swayed, it practically makes me sick. 

I’m not going to vote for someone just because they bashed their opponents on television. Give me the facts.

To be aware of the facts, you have to get involved. It’s essential that you as an adult achieve a basic understanding of political issues and use your political voice to participate. No more sitting on the sidelines, listening to your family argue politics over Thanksgiving dinner… It’s time for you to get active!

But how does one find their political voice?

It’s pretty easy. It can be boiled down into three simple steps. All it takes is a little passion about things that matter!

Educate Yourself!

Have you ever found yourself ready to punch someone in the face because they were SURE they were right, but they didn’t have the facts to back it up? Welcome to politics. This is why it is absolutely essential to educate yourself. Find real world issues to get passionate about. There are plenty of areas that need reform and development. I’m not just talking about saving the whales, here. America is notorious for its inequality issues – women and gender, marriage, income, race, education and student loans. There’s plenty to get passionate about.

Do your research. Don’t just stick with one source like Fox News or CNN – check many sources to look at the issue from all perspectives.  Talk to your friends, family, and colleagues. Get their opinions and compare them. Compare them to your research. Now you’re starting to develop your own opinion – and that’s a good thing! As long as you have educated yourself thoroughly on the topic. You and I may not share the same opinion on an issue, but if you can defend your opinion with hardcore information, I will respect it.

Have opinions!

Opinions are not innately bad. Opinions are natural! Solid opinions are important to your decision making. But don’t be pigheaded and unwavering about your opinions. Listen to others. Keep up with news and research. Don’t shame others for having a different opinion than your own. Discuss your opinions with others in a respectful way. You might learn something new, or you might begin to understand things from a different perspective. Your opinion might change…and that’s okay! It’s important to be open to new ideas and their discussion.

Get involved!

Some were born to be activists. Some choose to be activists. You don’t have to carry a picket sign down 21^st street calling for an increase in the minimum wage… But hey, if that suits your fancy, go for it. Activism is important! Share your opinions and call for change. Call out political leaders when they are causing more harm than good. Start a campus organization, organize rallies, table in the union, create posters, sponsor a peaceful protest. Go for it. But becoming a political activist is not for everyone. The important thing is to be aware of what’s going on in your country and be active. The easiest and most crucial way to do this is by registering to vote…and then voting.

Don’t let your educated opinions go to waste. Your voice matters! Get passionate, get involved, and get active.

Occupation: Fangirl

It’s a big day in the nerd world. My friend is trying to keep her heart from exploding as the final book in the Heroes of Olympus (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) series is released today and I cannot contain my extreme joy for the Season 10 premiere of Supernatural tonight! In fact, as I write this post, I am sitting at the television, watching the Season 9 marathon with my laptop and a cup of tea in hand.

In honor of this very special day, this post goes out to the nerds of campus – to my fellow fangirls and fanboys.

First of all, I love you guys. Some may try to judge us for the ways in which we spend our time, but they just don’t understand.

We are devoted readers. We are dedicated viewers. We are the fascinated discussers. We are restless writers. We are brilliant artists. We are the greatest supporters. We are the captivated audience. There’s so much more to us than graphic tees and Tumblr blogs.

What amazes me most about fandoms (be it Harry Potter, Marvel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you name it…) is the sense of community that they can provide! Popular fandoms bring people together for discussion. You meet new people and you make friends. It can be small scale on the internet or on campus, or it can be large scale at conventions like Comic-Con!

Fans are everywhere and they may not always be the people you’d expect. Fandom crosses social circles. You can find them in the marching band, on the cheerleading squad, and in fraternity houses. You will meet them in your law classes, nursing classes, history, and English. Fans come from many different backgrounds and have a variety of different goals – but it’s the fan-ness that connects us.

We have each had an experience with a story that helped to shape us. Maybe it was a movie you watched with your siblings, or a videogame your friend recommended to you. Maybe it was a book you heard about from a YouTuber, or a television series your dad watched when you were young. Maybe it was a story you discovered all on your own that was relevant to your life at the time. One of the most fundamental things about being a human is that stories impact us.

Characters are not just fiction to us, because we recognize what they represent – real life issues or emotions that we all face daily. Characters influence us, they make us look within ourselves, and they help us to acknowledge the reality of good and bad in the world. Most importantly, they teach us how to deal when life doesn’t go as we think it should.

As fangirls and fanboys, we embrace stories. We follow them, support them, we want them to continue. We recognize their impact and the lessons they have to teach.

We are the guardians of stories.

So the next time you see someone wearing an Adventure Time shirt or Deathly Hallows earrings, ask them about life. They’ll probably have a lot to say. And you will have connected with someone on a deeper level than you could have imagined.

When What You Do for Fun Isn't Fun Anymore

If you have spoken to me within the last week, you know that I am going through a major period of burnout. I’m feeling zero creativity and zero productivity. I even made a little YouTube video about this in recent days.

Ah, burnout. It’s something we will all face and struggle with at some point.

How did you decide on a major? Probably because it was something you were good at and enjoyed and thought you could do forever.

My thing is writing. I've been writing little stories since I was a kid, but I didn't decide it was what I wanted to do with my life until just a couple of years ago.

I love it. So much. I get a tremendous high off of completing projects and then getting them published. I'm driven by the overwhelming sense of accomplishment I get from finishing a piece. 

Photo credit: Katie Wade.

And…honestly, I don't know if this is straight up pride or just healthy motivation…but when people tell me that they like my writing, I want to write more. It feels good. It feels right. I enjoy it. And I don't want to stop.

Now I'm at a point where I’m not just writing for fun. I am majoring in both history and mass media, so all of my major homework is assigned writing. I’m also taking a foreign language this year…so more writing. On top of that, I write for and maintain this blog for the Washburn Review.

Yay. Writing.

So. I’m just feeling burnt out. My creativity is at an all-time low and it’s not even October. I’m worried. I catch myself wondering how I am going to keep this up.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to stop. I really love what I do. I’m not rethinking my dreams or anything.

But I’m at a point where there is so much happening… It feels like all of these words are being ripped from my mouth and there are none left for me to say for myself.

Photo credit: Katie Wade.

It’s exhausting.

So what do you do when the thing you do for fun isn't fun anymore? What do you do when it starts to feel more like a chore? How do you get your spark back for the thing that burns you out?

I usually need to take some time to refocus my energy. I have to take a break from the thing and pursue something else creatively for a little while.

Fall break is coming up this weekend and it is just what I have been needing. So, maybe I’ll focus on videos or practice my photography skills. Maybe I’ll finally get started on my ‘To Be Read’ book pile. Or…maybe I’ll just buy a new coloring book.

However I choose to spend the break, I am excited to come back refueled with energy and creativity for the thing I love to do most – write.

Thank you guys for reading this post and I’ll see you in two weeks.

KW

People Need People

I'm a big believer in destiny. Or, maybe not destiny...but in meaningful coincidences. It's funny when coincidences perfectly align. There's no way it's meaningless. It is intentional. Life intends for us to be in this moment because every moment before it has led us up to this exact point. Life has done this for a reason.

Nothing is meaningless.

The coincidences aligned once again in an obvious fashion this week. This coming Monday will be my birthday. Last weekend a ghost materialized. This week is National Suicide Prevention Week - in fact, today is World Suicide Prevention Day!

These are all connected, I promise. Allow me to explain.

I’m turning nineteen. Which is nothing special, I’m sure. I won’t gain any new allowances with the United States government. I’ll still be a teenager. No big deal. But then I flipped my thinking from what nineteen will bring to what nineteen has brought. Life has changed so much in nineteen years - especially in the area of my relationships. In a matter of just five years, my group of people has completely changed. I can count the number of friends from five years ago that I still have today on just one hand.

And for a while this made me very sad.

This weekend I met up with a friend who completely disappeared from my life almost a year ago. I thought she was gone forever. But she recently reappeared. We were able to meet up and address some very important life topics. It felt so strange at first…surreal. Of course, it could take some time and work to rebuild that friendship. But at the moment, I am just grateful. I got lucky. I am lucky that she reached out to me again.

The occurrence of this reunion a time where I was realizing drastic changes in my friendships was certainly no coincidence.

I learned a fundamental lesson. A fact of life.

People need people.

I spend far too much time telling myself that I don’t need people, that I can do it myself, and I spend far too little time telling myself that I do need people, that I can’t do it alone. Nowadays, I have a very difficult time letting myself get attached to people. I put up walls and set distant boundaries so that the pain hurts a little less if things go awry. But that is very costly.

It costs community and support. Essentials to surviving.

The truth is that I need people. You need people, too. We need each other.

Life is not easy. It cannot be done alone. We need people to share our stories with, build us up, and remind us of our truth and worth.

Tying this together… This week is National Suicide Prevention Week. The Washburn University chapter of TWLOHA (To Write Love on Her Arms) will be tabling in the Memorial Union Monday – Friday from 11AM – 1PM. It is a core belief of the organization that people need other people for the very reasons mentioned above. Stop by the table this week to make friends and learn about mental health.

And as this is World Suicide Prevention Day... Take a moment to remind people that you care. Send smiles to the people you pass on the sidewalk. Hug someone who might be struggling. Text an old friend. Call your siblings. Perform a random act of kindness.

"Be kind; for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - John Watson

"Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, the least costly, and the most underrated agent of human change." - Bob Kerrey

"When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them." - Unknown

Five Major Reasons to Get Involved with Your Campus

Today is a special day on campus! The Activities, Majors, & Study Abroad Fair is happening today in the Washburn Room! From 10:00AM to 2:00PM, you can come and explore the many opportunities for growth and achievement that Washburn has for you. With this event in mind, today's post is about getting involved. Here are five major reasons to get involved with your campus:

      1.     Involvement Gains You Experience in Teamwork and Leadership

This is the most fundamental reason you should get involved in college, especially if you were not as involved in previous school years. Participating in campus activities and organizations will help you to develop some very critical skills for the professional world. When the time comes for you to enter that world, the ability to work well on a team will be essential. Getting involved will get you to practice these abilities early. Through participating in an organization you will develop better communication and interpersonal skills. You may even work your way up to a position of leadership.

      2.     Involvement Can Help You Earn and Maintain Scholarships

Many scholarships like to know how their applicants and awardees invest their time. They like to know that the award is going to a dedicated person who works hard and has a heart for their community. If you are investing in your community and your campus, you are likely to be considered a good candidate. Some scholarships will require you to volunteer and do extra service projects. Washburn has some great opportunities for involvement in the community that cover multiple fields.

      3.     Involvement with Campus Activities and Organizations Looks Good on Your Resume

Don't forget to mention the different organizations and activities you take part in on your resume! Being an involved student can give your resume some extra pizazz. As participating in a campus organization can gain you skills in leadership and team work (as well as communication and community connections), employers will look for your areas of involvement and will likely bring it up in your interview. Your involvement on campus counts as professional experience too. So be sure to emphasize it and use it to make yourself stand out.

      4.     You Meet More People by Getting Involved and Participating

This one is a given. By participating in campus and community activities and organizations, you mean people – lots of people! You may even meet people that you wouldn't consider getting to know otherwise. Getting involved can broaden your horizons and gain you experience in working with people of all types. That is an extremely important skill to have in the professional world, by the way. And hey, you just might make some new friends at the same time!

      5.     You Make Professional Connections in Your Community by Getting Involved

Lastly, getting involved in activities and organizations is the easiest way to make professional connections in your immediate area. Your campus community and the community surrounding it make up your first professional playground. Explore! Volunteer for something that’s a bit out of your comfort zone. Do it for the experience. Those first professional connections will act as your foundation for future careers and success. Get involved and get that experience early. 

The Bods are Back!

Welcome to all college students beginning their Fall semesters! While some universities are just getting started, the Bods already have a full week under their belts. Here’s wishing everyone a wonderful start to this academic year.

Now that we are stepping back into college life, this blog is going to get a bit more focused. I will be taking on some more specific topics relating to us as beginner adults, the college lifestyle, campus events, and the like. I’ll also be including some links for you guys to other information or extras that I find fascinating and resourceful.

So let’s begin!

First, a note to this year’s freshman: Welcome! I so appreciate seeing all of you on campus. I love seeing all of the new faces as well as some already familiar. A few friends of my own have joined the Ichabod family this year!

                                                          (Photo credit goes to Anthony Hendricks.)

Already, I see you guys settling in very well. You are finding your groups, people with common interests and hobbies. You are making your way through your classes and finding new ways to study and explore information. You are getting involved with campus, looking for ways to connect with others and the community. It is beautiful to watch.

There are some serious adjustments to make regarding responsibilities in college – specifically, academically and socially.

There are difficult decisions to make even in just the first few weeks of class. You may decide you have to find a job…or quit a job. You may need to rearrange your classes, or take different classes altogether. I’ve already had to drop one class and make some changes in my schedule. Realizing when you have too heavy of a load is extremely important, by the way. Do not overwork yourself. Talk to people. Talk to your advisors. Talk to your professors. Get a feel for the kind of load you can handle.

The second part of this is regarding roommates and the friends you make on campus. I cannot express this enough, bonding is important! Spend time with your roommates and experience each other. Learn what each other’s expectations are and how to respect those boundaries. If you have any sort of trouble coming to an agreement, you can always take it to an RA. They are all super helpful and willing to give you dorm-living advice. In class, do take the time to get to know those around you. IT IS SCARY, I KNOW. And it feels super sketchy to be the one who initiates a conversation with a stranger. But it could be worth it! I met my best friends on campus just by taking risks and getting to know people in ways that were totally out of my comfort zone.

So here’s to the start of a wonderful semester! Go forth and make it great! I can’t wait to see where this year leads…

Feeling the Need for a Healthier Me

I am not an active person.

In fact…I actively avoid being active when that activity is specifically exercise. I am not exaggerating here. 

The gym is my hell.

However, I do enjoy being outside.

In order to get myself to exercise, I have to make it enjoyable, exciting and adventurous. I love going for a walk to explore, hoola-hooping, one-woman dance parties, etc. When I was younger, I even had a Skip-It! 

Do they still make those things? I loved the crap out of that thing until the day it finally died.

This summer, I have been terribly inactive. The heat, the asthma, the sweat – I use them all as great excuses. With their help, I can effortlessly turn away any thought of leaving the comfort of the couch.

But I really should be doing more to take care of myself.

So recently, I started missing my old bike. It broke during my sophomore year of high school, but I was already driving by then so there was no immediate need to replace it. Lately, I miss the thrill I got out of it. It was wonderful and exciting to ride. I loved the rush of wind through my hair as I imagined myself, not in the Tour de France, but as a daring bike messenger in risky New York City.

So one morning a couple of weeks ago, I borrowed my brother’s bicycle for a quick ride. Granted, it was a tad bit small, but it rode just the same. I took it for a lap around the park.

AND MY GOSH DOES THAT HURT. My knees were screaming before I was halfway around the track. Clearly, I am super out of practice…and athletic shape in general. (Actually I don't think I've ever existed in any sort of athletic shape.)

But I got the rush I was looking for - and a bit of much needed inspiration!

While I haven't been on a ride since, I am thinking about my health and wellness as well as compiling a list of easy ways to take care of myself and develop a healthier lifestyle. I'm even thinking of investing in a bike to get around campus this semester!

Now, I’m not the kind of person who can make drastic changes easily or “go cold turkey” off of anything. So I guess the first step for me personally, is just being mindful. I can start by being actively aware of what food I’m putting in my body and how I employ it, as well as recognizing how both affect my well-being.

Plan for updates on this subject to come…

10 Things You Will Forget to Bring on Move-In Day

My fellow Washburn students – particularly those of you who live or will live on campus! Move-In Day is Aug. 14!

I know. It’s coming up fast now. The summer is almost over. You may take a moment to cry if necessary… Now pull yourself together! You need to get packing!

In anticipation of the new school year’s arrival, I present to you 10 things that you will forget to pack for Move-In Day.

            1.       Cleaning Supplies

I can’t believe how many male dormies I spoke to who didn’t think they needed to clean their bathrooms… Please, for the sake of your health and others’, bring cleaning supplies and chip in on the work.

            2.       Toilet Paper and Paper Towels

These are essential! Of course, you know that… But it may not be at the front of your mind when you’re prepping for Move-In. Go ahead and have some toilet paper at the ready so you can easily provide it when it’s your turn to buy. It’s also good to have paper towels on hand for cleaning, when you don’t feel like using a plate and the occasional we’re-out-of-toilet-paper-and-this-is-an-emergency bathroom occurrence.

            3.       Medicine and Band-Aids

You don’t think about how often you need some simple Aleve or a Band-Aid until you don’t have them. I had forgotten these, myself, last year! Luckily, my roommate had packed a plastic tub full of simple medicines, Band-Aids, and cold preventatives. I highly recommend making one of these and including a little first aid kit.

            4.       Dishes and Silverware

You may think you can survive strictly on cafeteria food, but you’re quite wrong. When you get desperate for a change, you will need to make the occasional mac and cheese or microwave pizza. And for that, my friend, you will need some of your own utensils. Also, all dorms are equipped with either a private cooking area or a community kitchen. If you want to get really fancy, or just make some occasional brownies, consider bringing some cooking utensils, a pot or cookie sheets. (Just don't set off any fire alarms... Or you will quickly develop a plethora of enemies.)

            5.       Tool-Kit

We were lucky that my roommate thought to bring a small tool-kit. We used it often for hanging decorations, making minor repairs, measuring for space whenever we felt like rearranging, etc. Tip: You will likely need a mallet to adjust your bed height. Check with your dorm’s front desk to see if they have one you may borrow!

            6.       Laundry Supplies

You’ll likely need to do laundry even the first week you live on campus. Don’t let the pile grow too high. It’s easiest if you can do your laundry once a week, all at once. It takes less time and your dirty clothes won’t begin to stink up your room.

            7.       Iron and Ironing Board

Male or female, there will come a time when you need to use an iron. Why, you can’t go to Homecoming in wrinkles! Also, you’ll have interviews, fraternity or sorority events, performances, etc. that you will need to look quite put together for.

            8.       Hangers

You will find that you do as much clothing shopping on your own in college as you do when you live at home. Your closet will grow! Don’t forget to have plenty of hangers for those clothes you already have as well as those you anticipate to purchase.

            9.       Shower Supplies 

You plan to take showers regularly in college, right? I hope so… Then you’ll need some shower supplies to keep you smelling fresh and pretty! This includes your usual soaps, shampoos and conditioners as well as your specific products, razors and towels. And don’t forget your bathroom supplies: Hand soap, deodorant, lotions and body sprays, toothpaste and toothbrush, face wash and that pesky retainer that you loathe to the end of the earth.

           10.   An Open Mind

I am the master of cheese… But as cheesy and cliché as this may sound, it is possibly the one thing most people forget to bring with them to college. University is not what you see in the movies. It is a wide, open space of undiscovered territory. You will be exposed to a lot of new people with completely different backgrounds and stories than your own. You will be building relationships with professors who educate much differently than teachers you had in high school. You may be exploring new places in T-Town and the surrounding area. It is essential for you to have an open mind. Let this year of college be an experience and you will come out in May with far more knowledge and wisdom than you ever expected.

Fear Crippling Fear

I was struggling to write this week, and I think it’s because fear is all that’s been on my mind. But I’m here to talk about what’s up…and fear is what’s up. I've got my morning cup of earl grey, and I’m feeling authentic. So let’s have a heart to heart.

Fear. First it pretends to be your friend. Fear creates a comfort zone for you and wraps you up all nice and warm inside of it. Fear tells you that this zone will keep you safe if you respect it. Outside of this zone is dangerous and harmful.

Fear lies to you. It tells you that if you were to ever put yourself out there, even attempt to be outgoing or outspoken, you’d be crushed in an instant. You would only come crawling back to fear and it would tell you “I told you so.” You pull the familiarity of your comfort zone over your head like a blanket and hope you never have to go out again.

Fear makes you comfortable. And why would you ever want to disrupt your comfort? It’s safe there, why would you ever want to leave?

We see other people having infinite amounts of fun outside their comfort zones. But it’s not for us, fear says, we aren't capable of that. We shouldn't bother trying.

These are the lies fear tells.

But the truth is… fear sucks. Plain as that.

Fear sucks away our ambition. It holds us back. When we have the idea to try something new, fear tells us that we will fail. We believe it because we've heard the lies too many times. The lies that we are “not worthy,” “a failure,” “not good enough,” “not likable,” “not smart enough,” “unlovable,” “too silly or immature...” The list goes on.

Some say we are the ones who give fear its power, but I think fear is powerful on its own. It thieves for itself all of our innate craving for adventure.

Fear works especially hard to convince you that you aren't powerful, when, actually, you are tremendously more powerful than fear.

It may not always feel like it. Sometimes fear is consuming and it’s hard to see anything good past it.

But you are powerful. That’s the truth that you must see and believe in order to leave Fear’s Foreverland of Lies. (Not an amusement park, but more like time-consuming wasteland.)

And you do want to leave. Because outside of that wasteland is authentic living. It’s scary as hell, walking out of the comfortable familiar and into the unknown, but it is so much more fun getting back to those adventurous tendencies we were born with.

Think back to when you were a child, your earliest memories. Did you give a crud about taxes, work, etc.? Of course not. You wanted to play. You had dreams of helping people and making the world a better place. You wanted to enjoy every part of living. While those things (life-sucking as they may be) are important and need your attention, don’t let fear tell you that they are the extent of your potential and your value.

Also, you have to realize that you can’t leave that comfort zone on your own. It will take time, hard work and a community. You need supportive people to help you realize your potential and to remind you that you are important and valuable any time you start to lose faith in yourself.

Fear doesn't go away. It comes back. It pops in to say, “Hello, remember me?” any time you feel like taking an adventurous risk. But you will conquer fear, in small ways first and then bigger. And you won’t regret leaving that place of comfort, because you’ll be really living – authentically. 

How to Apologize like an Adult

Today I’m going to talk about apologies. Last week an issue arose between a friend and I that ended with us apologizing to each other for our misunderstandings. A couple of days later, I stumbled upon these two resources and wished I’d seen them sooner!

The main problem with the apologetic exchange between my friend and I was that initially we each thought the other was at fault. I think the first step in apologizing like an adult is to accept responsibility for one’s own addition to the mistake.

In my situation, it meant that I needed to recognize that I had made generalizations without providing my friend with the context and clarification needed to understand my statement. Because I didn't provide that clarification upfront, my statement was taken offensively.

I came across a post titled “A Better Way to Say Sorry” on the blog cuppacocoa written by user joellen. She relays an apology technique she learned in a teacher-training program and then implemented in her classroom.

This is her four step apology:

•             I’m sorry for…
•       This is wrong because…
•       In the future, I will…
•       Will you forgive me?

She notes that it is important in your apologies to be specific about what you are apologizing for and to understand why you did what you did and how it affected the other person.

With this outline in mind, my apology should have looked more like this…

I’m sorry for making generalizations about our friendship and not communicating clearly. It was wrong because it made you sad and caused you to question our friendship. In the future, I will do my best to communicate clearly about my intentions as well as be open and authentic with you in our chats.

In addition to this, I’d like to share with you the other resource that was shown to me. Have you ever heard of John Green? The author of “The Fault in Our Stars”? Ringing a bell? Well allow me to introduce you to John's brother, Hank Green. The two make YouTube videos for their channel, vlogbrothers.

In this video, Hank discusses how to apologize without being a “fartbag” or “someone who hurts other people, then blames them for the problem.” He reiterates the importance of acknowledging the role you played in the misunderstanding as well as taking responsibility for your mistake.

Watching this video is when it hit me, “Yeah... I've been a fartbag more than once or twice.” Sometimes I assume that just because my mistake was unintentionally made, I don’t need to take responsibility for it. Then, when I’m called out for my mistake, I get defensive and abrasive...fartbag-ish.

Now the flip-side of this is learning how to accept an apology like an adult.

Remember that your emotions are valid and deserve to be respected. So when you are accepting an 

apology, don’t say “It’s okay” or “It doesn't matter”. Because it’s not okay, it does matter.

Also, accepting an apology doesn't make the issue disappear. You may need to set new boundaries with this person. Don’t shrug it off, but come to a place of understanding with the other person.

So this new way of apologizing is being added to my list of life applications for personal growth. I want to be aware of what I’m saying/doing, why and how it will affect others around me.

Roommate Assignments? Check!

It’s this week’s biggest news on campus. The most anticipated info of the summer. But the wait is over, dorm assignments are here!

If you haven’t already done so, you can check your room assignment by going to your Washburn student email through Microsoft Outlook. You have likely received an email that will list your roommate and suitemates for the coming semester, as well as your specific dorm room assignment.

My roommate from freshman year, one of our friends, and I planned to live in the Washburn Village this year. We were lucky enough to be placed in the exact building we wanted! And in our emails, we received another surprise – we will be having an exchange student living with us! Although we have yet to hear back from our new friend, we are excited to get to know her better over the course of the year. We are very excited to see what new adventures await us this year at Washburn!

Some of you may already be acquainted with your roommates. You know them from previous semesters and understand how they function in their daily lives. You have already found commonalities and made the accommodations necessary to survive living with each other – or at least make it through the year without killing each other (or taking over each other’s lives, e.g. the “The Roommate.”)

But for some of you, this may be the part of college preparation you've been dreading all summer long. This is the awkward part – the getting to know new people part.

For a moment, let me stress just how important it is to actually get in touch with your roommates. You cannot avoid each other forever. In fact, you will be living together in less than two months. 

There are two major discussions you need to have with your future roommates before the summer is over: Decide who is contributing what to the dorm amenities and have the icebreaker chat.

Last year, my roommates and I met up face-to-face to do our dorm shopping.  We purchased items like towels, curtains, rugs and storage together. We also made a mental list of who would bring bigger items that could be used by all four members of our little herd. For example, my roommate brought a television and I brought a microwave. You’ll also need to remember to bring those things not typically thought of, including medicine, Band-Aids, cleaning supplies and toilet paper.

And please, for goodness sake, get to know each other! Make an effort to learn about each other ahead of time and I promise you will have a much better roommate experience. It will be awkward at first, but you can start small. Talk about your families and pets. Check each other’s schedules and see if you have any classes together. Then work your way up! Explain why you chose your major and what activities you want to get involved in on campus. Discuss your fears and aspirations for the coming year. It’s also very important to get a feel for each other’s sleep schedules, habits, tidiness ideals, noise tolerations, etc.

Now allow me to finish with a frank word of assurance. You will have roommates you bond with and love. You will also have roommates that you absolutely detest. Yet somehow, by the end of the year, you will have learned to at least live civilly with these people and maybe…with enough patience and effort…even become friends. That’s the entire purpose of the roommate experience, anyway. It expands your vision of life through learning to live with people you never would have expected to come to appreciate. (And it never would have happened if you hadn't let your mom fill out the personality preference form.)

Friendships Adrift

Lately I have been feeling a bit…displaced. The weirdest part about living on campus during the year and at home during breaks is the inevitable disconnectedness. And this disconnectedness swells largest in my friendships.

While living on Washburn’s campus, I noticed myself drifting away from my groups of friends at home. And now that I am at home, I worry about drifting away from my friends in Topeka.

This year I was especially lucky to have made some friends who are very good at reaching out to me and keeping in touch. But for some reason, there are some friends that I struggle to keep up with. I’ve spoken to my own roommate a grand total of two times since we both moved out of the dorms. 

I take my share of responsibility for this. Let’s face it. I am an introvert. I am an “out of sight, out of mind” kind of person.

Now I have this whole new set of friends from college to keep up with. They are very important to me and I don’t want to lose them just because we have busy summers. This is teaching me the importance of reaching out. Friendships take effort. They take initiative and input. They take responsibility.

This is new to me. So I am starting small. I’m trying to remember to say at least a quick “hello” to one person from college each day. Just to keep up. This will become easier as I spend more time with these new friends in the coming semesters.

As for my friends at home…things still feel off.  My friends agree.

Whether you notice it or not, you do change, grow and evolve at college. The drifting away from former friendships is to be expected.

I do feel that in realizing this, my friends and I have learned to acclimate to the new dynamic of our friendship. So we still get together. We try to face that drift head on. We try not to fake enjoyment of each other’s company, but instead do new things, find new things in common and create new traditions. We adapt.

We are supposed to be grown-ups now. And that’s often what we talk about. We are slowly starting to realize that there are more important things than Buffy the Vampire Slayer and what so-and-so said on Facebook.

In summary, if you feel the dynamic of your friendships changing, it’s OK. In fact it’s normal. You may learn to acclimate, you may not. These years of college are sort of like middle school all over again. (YIKES.)

Some friendships will grow stronger. Some will dissipate. You are just learning where you fit in. And you are not alone.

Home for the Summer

In the fall of 2013, I began my freshman year at Washburn University. (Home of the Ichabods!) With my hometown being an hour away, I chose to live on campus. I was overwhelmed in the best of ways. The freedom, the responsibility, the independence!

Living on campus for just one year can make you wonder how you ever managed to live at home in the first place.

On campus, students have the freedom to customize their whole lifestyle and schedule to their satisfaction. They gain new friends on campus to spend time with regularly though class, extracurriculars and roaming about T-town. They miss their family back home, undeniably, except for certain aspects - including mom’s consistent reminders to “Take your dishes to the sink!” and “Stop leaving your socks around the house!”

It doesn't take long to get used to this new life of college and on campus living – but it can be difficult adjusting to home life during summer break.

“It’s kind of weird being back home,” said Meg Calvert (sophomore, undeclared). “I just feel like I’m in a different mindset from being at college.”

While students keep up with their old friends from high school, things are sure to feel a bit different when time is spent with them. The chemistry is off. You and your friends have grown during the school year. (Some maybe more than others.) You aren't the same people you were before.

“With my friends from home it feels like we’re kind of… going back to normal, but I also feel just a bit out of place because, I mean, I’m not really the same person as I was last summer,” said Calvert.

It’s also likely that family at home has made alterations to their daily living in a student’s absence. Schedules, routines, and priorities have all changed.

Janice Davis is a mother of two boys who attended college. She certainly remembers what it was like as a parent with a son moving home for the summer. Parents make changes to their lifestyle while their children are away at college says Davis. When the children return as fresh adults, the parents have to make as many readjustments as the children do.

Most parents will realize that students have grown into adulthood during this year and that they are capable of taking some responsibility for themselves. It is important to remember that the returning children are adults and don’t need to follow some of the same rules that they used to according to Davis.

Possibly the largest adjustment is to be made by students. We have become accustomed to a fast-paced lifestyle – class, work, friends and homework in between. When summer hits, some portions of that load drop instantly. I still find myself on Sunday nights worrying about what assignments are due, then I am overwhelmed with relief when I remember that sociology has been over for weeks.

But with more free time, comes more laziness. Netflix and video games sound like great ways to kill an afternoon. My comrades, although that sounds like a super relaxing summer, it doesn't sound like a summer you’ll rave about when next semester rolls around.

Be sure you take time to go experience. Go for walks. Bike trails. Check out a new hobby. Read a new book. Go on vacations. Go on day trips. Build things. Craft things. Write. Make. Do.

That’s the summer all of your fellow Bods will want to hear about come fall. 

Welcome to Operation: Adulthood!

Let's talk about adulthood.

What does it mean to you? How would you define it?

As a young person just entering adulthood, I'd like to explore this concept here on this blog. 

But first, let me introduce myself! I'm Katie Wade, a sophomore history and mass media major at Washburn University in Topeka, Kan. I'm a freelance writer for the university paper, the "Washburn Review." I like to read and write...all those clichés. I'm also a huge movie buff and an especially large Star Wars fan! 

Every Wednesday, I plan to cover a new topic relating to the various experiences of fresh adults as well as particular learning events in my own journey of entrance into adulthood. It's a bit of a freaky transition and I believe it's worth documenting for future inductees. 

Think of this as a guidebook...an improvised guidebook...as I am just learning this new way of life myself! 

I plan to publish a new post every Wednesday. So join me if you dare! I hope you'll read along with me as I experience this new chapter of life.